The Promise…can it be broken?

The ‘airy fairy’ promise, the ‘rash’ promise, the late night ‘on a promise.’ From the colloquial to the world renowned promise, we have all come across our fair share.
Promises can be both passive – I promise never I will never be late again, please don’t be angry at me and aggressive – I promise you that you will be sorry if you leave me waiting here for you, you just wait and see!

A ‘Rash Boon’ or a ‘Blind Promise’, dating back to folklore tales where a promise is to be indebted for a reward is often quickly made without hearing what the request is. Normally this would be for the impossible love of a woman whom men will quickly pledge to do anything for in return…suffice to say that this never seems to end well. Not much changes over the years!

Fairy tales will lead us in the direction of seeing where a promise ends. Will the evil villain stay true to type and double cross the pure heroine? Will the handsome prince return to his kingdoms with the fair maiden as his bride? The more traditional tale having the moral clear for us to see. These are read with the hopeful intent that they will lead our youngsters on the right path. Just before bed, knowing that honestly will help in their quest to become prince or princess of their land – or their very own small box room in the case of our youngest.

But do they really take this in or is there an innate nature over nurture principle at work here which no amount of prince charming chiseled perfection will be able to dampen.

Tonight I had a great example, the situation and conversation went like this….

I heard a crash from the lounge – I entered and there was ‘G’ our 7yr old standing there with a piece of the ceiling chandelier in his hand. At his feet, bright orange football.

“What have you done?” I said,

‘Nothing mummy, it wasn’t me,’ he replied, all wide eyed.

“But you’re the only person in here darling and there’s a blow up football there which you are not allowed to have inside.”

‘I know mummy but I promise it wasn’t me, it just happened – on its own!’

“G, I’m not happy about this and you know I don’t like lying.”

‘I know mummy, but it wasn’t me – anyway don’t get angry and lets just “put it behind us” it won’t happen again.’

Now the thing is G is not a huge liar but he sometimes has a burning self preservational need to get out of things. I’m curious to know more about where the saying that a promise is made to be broken comes from. They often do get broken, either with forethought and intent or with a naivety of a child stumbling through the their first years.

Promises and lies have such a close path, its no wonder that they sometimes cross over with each other.

I surmise and hope that it is as basic urge in some that using the ‘promise’ in whatever form is used as a short term gain rather than anything more sinister.

 

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34 thoughts on “The Promise…can it be broken?”

  1. Interesting post. Yes, I guess with kids you never know if they can keep their promise. Sometimes I guess they promise more than they can realistically keep, but are not aware of that at their stage, that it’s too hard for them to keep that promise. But I would think it’s still important for them to try.

  2. I seem to have a habit of breaking promises (usually when I say I won’t eat all the chocolate when inevitably I usually do) Olivia has taken to using the pinky promise. Apparently this is the way to guarantee it won’t be broken. I now use it on her who detests it as she likes to try an wriggle her way out of things xx #prettyinplaydough

  3. I have already commented but I was just discussing this with my husband and I brought up your blog its interesting how sometimes we feel that some promises are more important than others. Hubby and I often use promises when we are being untruthful but it’s never a big deal, but who decides what counts as a big deal? It’s so strange! Thank you for joining with the #prettyinplaydough linky, I hope to see you again next week!

    1. Yes, I’ll be back:) you’re right, sometimes it’s not a big deal to tell a fib…until we get questioned about it. I think it means more to the person who is being fibbed to. It’s a tough one:) thanks for commenting and chatting about it. Mainy x

  4. I think we’d like to believe that this is just a kids thing, but perhaps a lot of adults need to take a closer look at themselves when it comes to lies and promises. Great read #prettyinplaydough

    Nadia – ScandiMummy x

  6. We have been trying to work on lying but it seems to be something that they just naturally do. For instance my toddler frequently lies about having made a dirty diapers because he is not feeling my potty training attempts. You made some very interesting points!#KCACOLS

    1. I think you’re right, it’s just something they seem to do. Thanks for your lovely comments X

  7. I think that we all make promises to other and ourselves that are often broken, or often a lie. I believe we do it to soften the situation, for example “I promise that this is the last chocolate bar” when eating said chocolate bar. It’s an interesting concept the “promise” and your post is thought provoking. I wonder what my little girl will say when she does something naughty. Thanks so much for linking up at #fortheloveofBLOG. Claire x

  8. I couldn’t help but chuckle when G suggested let’s just “put it behind us” lol. Kids I tell you they’ll try their luck at anything. My two are just as bad and trying to explain that lying is not good, is a job on its own. Thanks so much for linking up at #KCACOLS. Hope you come back again next Sunday.xx

  9. …anyway don’t get angry and lets just “put it behind us” … LOL what a great response! We are starting to get some ‘fibs’ from our almost three year old, its difficult but I think he’s just testing his boundaries #stayclassymama

  10. I am a huge hypocrite though and I often break my own promises, and I promise about silly things. It is funny how they mean such different things to different people. Maybe I ought to sort myself out and start sticking to them! #fortheloveofBlog

    1. I think we all do it, I told the boys I’d be one minute in the chemist the other day and they actually counted the seconds! They gave me a right telling off when I was massively over!:)

  11. Kids are so clever! I am pretty sure I am going to have a lot ‘promises’ spoken to me as my son gets older. For now he is isn’t talking yet so I guess something to look forward to! 🙂 #KCACOLS

  12. We have had this with our children too, it is never them, or the sibling gets blamed. But then I do say that I will do something and sometimes do not get round to it.
    #KCACOLS

  13. Our eldest never lies, our middle one doesn’t talk and our youngest says ‘it happened by itself’ before she was 3! What are you gonna do? Our eight year old does mean it when he promises something he just almost immediately forgets! #KCACOLS

  14. Interesting, let’s keep our aim to teach honesty, hard as it is. When nobody can trust anyone it becomes chaos. It is as old as time, Adam blamed Eve because he did the wrong thing. Your doing a great job parents be encouraged.

  16. I despair trying to get the truth out of mine sometimes and the promises they make and forget come and go with the wind. Hopefully they will learn that telling the truth is best in the long run #KCACOLS

  17. It’s so important to get kids to tell the truth isn’t it. We don’t really talk about promises but being honest and owning up to things whether it’s a wapping lie or a suspicious waft in the room! #kcacols

    1. lol now that’s something they always try and pin on someone else!:) X

  18. I love that line about the close path and crossing over…one can quickly become the other, can’t it? #KcACols #Fortheloveofblog

  19. I can totally relate to this, I have a pre-schooler who hates getting into trouble, so lies, and then ends up in more trouble for telling lies than he would have done if he told the truth in the first place. It is exhausting! #FabFridayPost

    1. Yes it’s exhausting bless em, they have no idea when they’re little how much work it creates, thanks for your comments:)

  20. I’ve had the same situation except it involved my toddler promising he hadn’t eaten the chocolate biscuit, said with a chocolate covered mouth. Hmmm! ? Gem #fortheloveofBLOG

    1. Ahhh Those are the ones that are hard to keep a straight face with:) x

  21. This is a very interesting read. My 5yrs old now blames things on his sister when in actual fact he was the one who have started it. Sigh… oh I can only try to remind him… and he promise not to do it again and then 5 minutes later it would start again. I must say I also do it too – when I promise the kids something that I didn’t do. Not a very good example my self!

    Thank you so much for linking up with us in #FabFridayPost

    1. I find that too, I’ve got to think so much more about what I say as the kids get older. Thanks for taking the time to comment x

  22. Bless him. At this age, it’s so hard to have the full concept and a promise is such a big thing. I am sure that even myself I sometimes say it without meaning it or not fully taking its sense.
    #FabFridayPost

    1. Yes, its such a big thing and little ones aswell as big ones find it tricky, thanks so much for your comment x

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