6 tips on how to support a friend through IVF with donor eggs
If a friend of yours has confided in you they’re planning to have fertility treatment, show them they can count on you from the start. The sheer fact that they told you about their plans for IVF with donor eggs is big news. This means she trusts you. Let your friend know you appreciate the trust.
If you’ve never dealt with infertility or are new to the concept of IVF with donor eggs, supporting an infertile person may seem tricky at first. Here’s what you can do.
- Take it seriously
Don’t minimize the problem saying that “everything will be OK, you just need to relax and have treatment.” Infertility and egg donation are a big deal. IVF with donor eggs is highly successful treatment, however, the decision to have it needs to be well-thought-out and not hurried. Sit down together and have a look at the egg donation reviews online or egg donor profiles, if your friend is happy to do so. If she prefers to do it with her partner, you should respect her decision.
- Ask them if they need anything from you
If you aren’t sure how you can get involved, simply ask. It’s better to voice your doubts than say something unnecessary. Ask them what you can do to help, if they want to talk about it and offer your time to just sit down, have a cuppa and listen. Just be there for her. However, don’t limit your conversations to IVF topics. Remember – you are still her friend. If you can, go out together and have some fun. If you prefer to stay in, have a girls’ night at home and prepare chocolate dessert.
- Be kind and understanding
Kindness doesn’t cost anything. Be sensitive to the challenges your friend is currently facing. All in all, very few things are as painful and heart-breaking as the inability to conceive and carry your own child. It is a delicate topic – just give your friend a huge dose of love and care in this difficult moment in her life.
- Don’t complain about your own children or pregnancy
If you have children or are currently pregnant, bear in mind that your friend would probably love to have sleepless nights or even a pregnancy heartburn if that meant she could easily become a parent. Try to save your kids and pregnancy updates for your other friends.
- Back her up in all her decisions
Show your friend you support her no matter what decisions she makes. You can be sure that she and her partner have already spent countless days and nights discussing their options. If they plan to travel abroad to a more reliable clinic with better success rates, show her you are with her along the way. If she needs someone to look after her dog or cat, offer help. Such small gestures sometimes count more than the big.
- Get Involved in advocacy
And, finally, spread awareness about IVF with donor eggs. Did you know that most advocacy efforts come from infertile couples and friends/family? What can you do? It is not a time-consuming commitment. Even advocating on a small scale helps. Overheard somebody speaking about test-tube designer babies or picky parents who choose their baby’s sex or eye colour? Speak up and refute the myths. In most countries gender-selection (family-planning) is legally banned and, in reality, infertile couples don’t care about the sex of their baby. They just want to become parents.
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